Imagine being in the closest relationship you can envision, and the other person always sees you in the most positive light possible. This person cherishes you, does not hold petty grievances against you, encourages you and loves you with such a deep and compelling love that it astonishes you.
That may describe the love God has for each one of us. He sees us through eyes of love, demonstrating his complete trust in our ability to accomplish the tasks he has given us through his encouragement, in this precious gift of life. It is with the same kind of love we are challenged to love our spouse — with God, in God and through God.
A Catholic sacramental marriage cannot be achieved without God’s grace, which is sufficient for us. It is all we need to enter our marriage each day with the same eyes of love God has for us. If we allow ourselves to think only positive thoughts about our spouse, say kind and loving words, and demonstrate supportive actions of encouragement, we will live into the fulfillment of the sacrament we entered on our wedding day.
If we allow bitter or negative thoughts to surface and fester in our marriage, we harbor resentment toward our spouse. If we allow unkind, sarcastic words to emerge from our mouths, we are tearing our spouse down rather than building up. And if we engage in actions that cause our spouse pain or discouragement, we are hurting our spouse in a way that may seem irreparable.
The marriage relationship asks so much of us, which may be why many young couples today are unwilling to enter the sacrament: they know they do not have what it takes to live with another person for a lifetime of service. They know it will be demanding in a way that challenges their self-centeredness and they do not believe they can do it. There may be children from the unions they create, but not a commitment. There may be a false family established, but no real foundation. Marriage is hard work. It requires both spouses to be willing to meet the demands required of them to fulfill the lifelong commitment that is necessary for the sacrament to succeed.
It is arrogant for married couples to think they can do this on their own because that is impossible. It is only through Christ, the source of the grace needed to offer a resounding yes each day to the commitment made on the wedding day, that it can be accomplished.
ACTION STRATEGIES
• Make a personal commitment to stop any negative, unkind thoughts about your spouse, thereby thwarting unkind words or actions.
• Ask for the grace of God to see your spouse in the most positive light possible all throughout this month.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church states “Christ dwells with them, gives them the strength to take up their crosses and so follow him, to rise again after they have fallen, to forgive one another, to bear one another’s burdens, to ‘be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ,’ and to love one another with supernatural, tender, and fruitful love,” (No. 1642).
The married couple is to offer a living witness to the reality of the union we hope to one day share with God in heaven. They are to demonstrate their love for one another and to show this love through respect and acts of service. Theirs is to be a living endorsement that a lifelong commitment can be made and attained, even in this profane culture. To accomplish this, Dom Jean-Baptiste Chautard explains that the Passion must be a vivid, living reality in our relationship if we hope to challenge the world of pleasure in which we live.
Such a commitment requires daily prayer, sacrifice and service — all of which are gifts of the Holy Spirit. These gifts include love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Gal. 5:22). Make it your personal pledge throughout this month to enter your marriage with the kind of love that sees your spouse through the loving eyes of God.
Soucheray is a licensed marriage and family therapist emeritus and a member of St. Ambrose in Woodbury.
