Have you ever wondered if it is a good idea to send a thank-you note to a priest? And if it is a good idea, how should it be written?
Thank-you notes are appropriate whenever a person shares a gift or goes above and beyond. My mother made this eminently clear to me when I was a young boy. I received cash gifts from my grandparents and godparents for my birthday, Christmas, first Communion and graduation. In our house, a thank-you note is not only a politeness or a courtesy — it is a requirement. The money could not be spent or deposited in the bank until the thank-you note was written, and my mother checked to make sure that it was done. My mother had a saying: “You can never thank people too much.” It is important to let people know that they are appreciated.
Priests generally have a full schedule with Masses, confessions, meetings with staff and parishioners, hospital visits, classroom visits and a host of other things. Priests frequently go to extra effort for a funeral, wedding or baptism. A priest may deliver a particularly moving homily or write a particularly insightful or informative article. If the priest did something that was helpful to you or your loved ones, it is an act of kindness to let him know and write him a thank-you note.
A thank-you note can be a card or a letter. If the note is sent by mail, the salutation on the envelope, if formal, for example, is The Reverend John T. Doe, with the address. It is also acceptable to write Father John T. Doe. The greeting at the beginning of the note can be more formal, Dear Father Doe, or if the priest normally goes by his first name, Dear Father John.
When expressing thanks, it is best to say specifically what is appreciated. After Mass many people say, “Nice homily, Father,” without saying what was nice about it. Also, it is surprising how often someone will say, “Nice homily, Father,” when the deacon gave the homily. I was deeply touched when someone wrote to me, “Father, your stewardship homily really got me thinking. After you spoke about the importance of sharing, I donated one of my kidneys to my brother, and spiritually, it was not a hard decision for me to make.” If your priest served you well or if he did an exceptionally good job, it is a thoughtful gesture to let him know that he is making a difference and thank him.
Thank-you notes offer encouragement and support. When I was student teaching, my wise master teacher and supervisor advised me, “If you are fortunate enough to receive thank-you cards or complimentary letters, keep them. Save them in a large envelope or shoe box. Then, when you have a down day, as you surely will, when everything goes wrong and you wonder if your efforts are worth it, reread your cards.” Priests make mistakes. Priests are criticized sometimes. Priests have bad days. Thank-you cards with words of appreciation offer reassurance, give a boost, help priests get through tough times, and can renew energy and commitment.
The traditional polite way to sign off at the end of a note or letter is “Sincerely yours.” A more spiritual closing might be “With my prayers and thanks to you,” “Wishing you abundant graces and blessings,” or “May God richly bless you now and always.”
Father Van Sloun is the director of clergy personnel for the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis. This column is part of a series on the sacrament of holy orders.
