On Oct. 12, Catholic Cemeteries will host two special services of remembrance for anyone who has lost a child before birth.
The services will be held at 10 a.m. at both Gethsemane Cemetery Chapel Mausoleum in New Hope and Resurrection Cemetery Chapel Mausoleum in Mendota Heights.
During the services, families will have a chance to name their child and light a candle to honor and remember them.
Archbishop Bernard Hebda will preside over the service at Resurrection Cemetery and Father Michael Joncas will preside at the Gethsemane Cemetery service.
Jamie Moloney, the director of pastoral outreach for Catholic Cemeteries, said miscarriage is commonly known as the hidden loss. In many cases, Moloney said, most parents who experience a miscarriage only tell their immediate family.
“A lot of people don’t consider it an actual loss because the baby was so small,” Moloney said. “A lot of people, because they lacked awareness, didn’t realize the grief that the mother and father were going through. A lot of times, people are kind of dismissive of it. A common thing people might say is, ‘Well, you’re young. You can have more children.’ Every child is remembered and mourned and it’s just that no one has seen this baby. … It makes it really hard for people to understand the loss.”
The service of remembrance is meant to honor those children and those who grieve their loss.
“What we found is there are so many women over the years (who) have lost a child before birth,” Moloney said. “There wasn’t anything for them. The churches really weren’t tuned into it. A lot of them (parents) didn’t even name their babies. And many, probably most, didn’t even have an opportunity to get the baby’s remains to bury the baby.”
The services are being held on Oct. 12 because it’s the closest Saturday to Oct. 15, a day known as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. The memorial is a service to welcome anyone who has experienced this kind of loss, not just Catholics.
In 2023, Catholic Cemeteries worked with Guardian Angels in Oakdale to have a similar service. Moloney said those who attended ranged in age from their 20s to their 80s.
“It doesn’t matter how many years ago it was or how recently it was, they can come and name their baby,” Moloney said. “When they come in, there’s going to be a book that they can write their baby’s name in. And then during the service itself, the presider will read the names and then the families will come up, light a candle and then they can sit back down again and what that does is just ritualizes and names their babies, so it is pretty powerful.”
Catholic Cemeteries has been doing a quarterly fetal burial in partnership with Fairview Hospitals in which they bury the remains of babies who died at 20 weeks or earlier. Moloney said they bury about 200 fetuses every quarter. Catholic Cemeteries also sees families who buy a grave for their child with a marker.
“We have a children’s memorial wall here at Resurrection and there are so many names on it, and the walls filled up, that they had to expand,” Moloney said. “When we have our fetal burial, many people come with their entire family. They’ll come with their parents. They’ll come with their brothers and sisters. Some will even come with friends. They’ll bring their children if they have children. It’s a very important way to grieve.”
Moloney said that Catholic Cemeteries’ mission is to bury and honor the dead. She said they hope to increase awareness that children who die before birth also deserve to be buried and memorialized.
Moloney strongly recommends to parents who have experienced miscarriage that they do some kind of ritual.
“It really is helpful,” Moloney said. “And also, to find ways to memorialize their child in their memory. … Having a place, a physical place to come, where they can remember their child is just so important to them.”
