Asanka Perera and her husband, Don, won the green card lottery 12 years ago, emigrating from Sri Lanka and settling in Richfield. They brought their two daughters, but their son did not qualify – at 22, he was over age. This August, he and his wife and two young children were finally able to immigrate to the U.S. They moved into Asanka and Don’s three-bedroom house. “We’re making up for lost time,” said Asanka, 57, a daycare provider and member of St. Peter in Richfield. This Advent, she’s looking back on her grace-filled journey.
Q) Let’s start with your move to the U.S. What’s it like being an immigrant here?
A) You are nobody when you come here. You lose your identity and start from scratch. You have to prove yourself. My hardest part was finding a community. The faith kept Don and I going. The Catholic Church is where we felt the most connection. Going to Mass felt like a bit of home. And my youngest was able to attend Catholic school. That was my dream.
Q) How long did it take to build a new identity?
A) Five to six years. I had always been a stay-at-home mom, but my husband couldn’t find a job, so I was the sole breadwinner. I started working as a teacher aide at a childcare center and I was mentored by an amazing woman. I studied Montessori and earned my certification, then I started working as a nanny, and in 2014, I started my in-home daycare. It gave me a sense of happiness and achievement and purpose.
Q) It sounds like the new Asanka who emerged was very different from the old Asanka in Sri Lanka!
A) Totally. God put me into new roles in every aspect of life. Now I understand other people’s points of view.
Q) What was your focus, when it came to raising your girls in the U.S.?
A) We wanted to model generosity and simplicity — be content with what you have and always help those in need. We drive around and give out McDonald’s gift cards to the homeless. Twice a month I cook and donate a meal to Mary Jo Copeland’s Sharing and Charing Hands. And every Christmas we pick two or three children from the Christmas tree at church and buy their Christmas gifts.
I always tell my girls: We can help people because I’m not an impulse buyer. We look for every deal, every opportunity to minimize buying. They will ask me, “Why don’t you get coffee from Starbucks?”
It’s not that I can’t afford it. Sometimes I want to get it. But then I think I could use that money to help somebody. It adds up to a lot of money. We can always make a cup of coffee at home.
The girls see we don’t have anything fancy in our home. They’re basics. It’s all white — white linen, white cups — because you don’t get tired of white. Even the bed sheets! These are the bed sheets I brought over 12 years ago.
Q) How does your Catholic faith compel you?
A) It’s Jesus’ core teaching: Feed the hungry, clothe the naked. That’s what I think he expects us to do. Share what you have.
Q) Where did you learn that spirit of giving?
A) In Sri Lanka, my grandma and grandpa would open their house on Christmas day to the entire village, from 7 a.m. to 9 p.m. There was this 12-foot table full of traditional, celebratory food — milk rice, coconut milk, all the Sri Lankan sweet meats and finger foods. Nobody could leave without having a meal. That is embedded in me. I cannot help it. I want to feed people.
Q) What do you enjoy about cooking?
A) It’s my therapy. I put my heart and soul into cooking. It makes me humble, too. Sometimes, I have this huge plan, and it could be a flop.
I always have my mom’s spices on hand — her curry powder, her chili flakes and the coconut milk. I play music — I love Abba — and sometimes I’m on the phone with my friend. I like to do many things at one time. I’m always on the move.
Q) What’s on your bucket list?
A) We love traveling. Someday we would love to travel to all the places that Mother Mary appeared.
Q) Tell me about your devotion to the Blessed Mother.
A) She’s my saint. She knows our pain more than anybody else. She saved my life. I was given a second chance when I had my youngest. She was born on the 15th of August, the feast of Assumption. I was bleeding after the C-section. They thought they had lost me. They couldn’t find my pulse.
I felt my life was going, and I knew it was the feast of the Assumption, so I just said, “Don’t take me now.” At that moment, I got my life back. So, we are devoted to her. I pray to her every single day without failing.
Q) Wow! You hadn’t seen your son and his young family in three and a half years, and now you’re living together.
A) It’s a big transition but a good one. We’ve changed a lot. We are trying to get to know each other, accepting each other, who we are, who they’ve become. We are becoming a family. At first, I worried I didn’t have a connection with my 8-year-old granddaughter, but we are bonding. I try to involve her in cooking. She loves to cuddle with me, read stories together and paint nails. She loves one-on-one time with me — she will make sure to get it.
Q) Do her parents see a change in her, now that she’s soaking up all that grandma love?
A) They did say that. She’s very happy. She’s a third-grader at Annunciation in Minneapolis, and she’s blossoming. My son and daughter-in-law see how connected we are to God, how much we go to adoration. They feel it’s a great blessing for their daughter to see.
Q) What do you know for sure?
A) God has a huge purpose for me, and I’m slowly inching toward the better version of myself. By serving the poor, I know that I will inherit heaven. I will go there to see him.
Q) You have a clarity. You know your mission from God, and you get up every day and do it.
A) Yes, I do. He’s preparing me for something greater. The world is in need.
