When we begin our marriages as Catholics, we always do so in a Catholic Church, under the guidance of a Catholic priest or deacon, who administer the sacrament of matrimony before the witnesses gathered there. We have also engaged in all the preparation required for a successful wedding day. But primarily, our focus must be on the union we are creating in the eyes of God.
Maintaining that focus is not always easy, given the turbulent nature of our time. As married couples, we have children to raise, bills to pay, work to fulfill, a house to keep up, and our own health and well-being to attend to so that we can continue to honor these commitments. Holiness with our spouse can often fade in importance when compared to these other obligations and responsibilities. The question is often asked “When do we have time to honor the primary commitment to our marriage, which we thought would remain the focus of our life together, regardless of how busy we may become?”
St. John Paul II reminds us of the beautiful union of St. Anne and St. Joachim, parents of the Virgin Mary, when he states they were “members of the people which rose from the faith of Abraham, of that people formed by Moses, which Exodus describes as thirsting to know God’s face.” The pontiff continues by reminding us that this must be the mark of our prayer and the contemplation for which our soul yearns: to thirst to know God’s face.
When we look into the face of our spouse, we must remember we are both disciples of Christ. Therefore, St. John Paul II reminds us, we must be “channels of God’s salvific action, by being ceaselessly purified, enlightened and comforted by frequently approaching the God of tenderness and piety.”
When we go to God together as a couple, attending Mass, spending time in the adoration chapel, saying the rosary, or being together at home, we can help one another grow in holiness, and we can encourage one another as gifts given to each other by God. Just as St. Anne and St. Joachim were a precious link in the divine plan for salvation of humanity, so must we follow their example and provide encouragement to our spouses, so that we, too, may become precious links in the divine plan of salvation.
In our marriages, we are called to remain open and available to the grace of the Holy Spirit, working through us as we face the trials that come to us. When we believe that it is through the crosses that we bear that we will most ardently witness the saving intervention of Christ in our lives, we realize we are a vital part of God’s plan of salvation. The paradox is that the very difficulties we face together help us grow in holiness and friendship.
ACTION PLAN
- Spend time with your spouse this month doing something that is special to just the two of you and enrich your friendship with each other. Remember the gift that this person was to you on your wedding day, as much as they are today.
- Do one thing this month to grow in holiness with your spouse: listen to a religious (or spiritual?) podcast, attend Mass or visit the adoration chapel, or say the rosary together.
As “Gaudium et Spes” by St. Paul VI states, “married love is an eminently human love because it is an affection between two persons rooted in the will and it embraces the good of the whole person; it can enrich the sentiments of the spirit and their physical expression with a unique dignity and ennoble them as the special elements and signs of the friendship proper to marriage” (art. 49).
Soucheray is a licensed marriage and family therapist emeritus and a member of St. Ambrose in Woodbury. Learn more at her website ifhwb.com.
