For Nicole Adams Blume and John Giardino, exchanging their wedding vows during a regularly scheduled weekend Mass seemed right.
Such a thing is rare, but not unheard of. They took it even further to involve their community. They asked that no wedding gifts be given, only donations to their two favorite charities. On top of that, they would add their own donation to the congregation’s total.
“We definitely believe that our marriage is not just about us, and not even just about you and me and God,” said Nicole, 42, who grew up in the parish, sings in the choir and spent 20 years working in parishes within the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis. “Our marriage is part of our community and part of how we serve, and so we wanted to be grounded in our community.”
With that mindset, the two walked up the aisle together during the beginning of the Saturday vigil Mass and took their place in the front pew next to Nicole’s parents, Nancy and Jerry Blume, rather than up in the sanctuary as is customary at weddings. There was no grand march of the entire wedding party, and Jerry did not escort her up the aisle and give her hand to John. Instead of the iconic wedding song for a processional — Johann Pachelbel’s “Canon in D Major” — the choir, positioned on the left side of the sanctuary, sang a hymn appropriate for a Sunday liturgy.
Anyone coming in after the processional and standing in the back of the church would not have known that a wedding was taking place during this Mass. There was little mention of it until the homily. A previous pastor, Father Michael Joncas, was invited by the couple to be one of two celebrants and witness their wedding vows. He was joined by the pastor of St. Cecilia, Father John Hofstede. After talking briefly about the readings for that Sunday during his homily, Father Joncas, a retired archdiocesan priest, turned his attention to the couple and offered advice he knew they would follow. Right after the homily, he witnessed their wedding vows.
The two chose this particular weekend because they were drawn to the Gospel reading for the Mass, taken from Matthew 18, which ends with these lines in verse 20: “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there I am in the midst of them.”
“That’s the summary of all this,” Nicole said. “That’s the summary of our relationship, that’s the summary of our community, that’s the summary of our future — where two or three are gathered where we’re gathered, God is with us. And, we’re living that.”
Both bride and groom were oozing with intentionality and excitement in the weeks leading up to their nuptials. Nicole joked about the way John engaged in the classes they took to prepare.
“He was the only one in the marriage prep (class) that showed up with a pen, and he was ready to take notes,” Nicole said during an interview with The Catholic Spirit nearly two weeks before the wedding. “They kind of laughed at us. They’re like, ‘It’s not that kind of class.’ But , John is always going to do everything thoroughly. He’s not going to ever sit through something and do it halfway. Especially because I’m going to marry him, I’m really glad that he doesn’t do anything halfway.”
John, 44, moved to the Twin Cities from Buffalo, New York, in 2018, and works for Catholic Charities as the lead grant accountant. He and Nicole met online in November of last year, when he signed up on a dating site that Nicole was about to quit. She hung with it just long enough to see John’s newly-posted profile. When she first called to cancel partway through that month, she was told she would have to pay through the end of the month. So, she chose to stick with it until then.
“I don’t like to waste money,” she explained. “So, I thought, ‘OK, if my subscription is still going, I’m going to look at it so that I feel like I’m getting something for however many dollars a day it’s costing me.”
It turned out, there was one week of overlap between when her subscription ran out and the time of John’s posting. “If I had been able to cancel it when I wanted to, we would have never met,” she said.
Even though she agreed to go on a date with John, she made little emotional investment. They chose Turtle Bread Company just two blocks from her house, and decided to meet for lunch.
She didn’t “have a lot of hope for anything (to develop), so I’m like, we’ll go to the place a couple blocks from my house, and it’ll be lunch during my workday, so I’m not going to lose much time. Walk down the block, see this guy, find out that he’s not as cool as his profile indicates, and check that off my list,” she said, not at all believing there would be a second date.
But something happened when they spent time face to face. “I surprised her,” John said. “We had a great lunch.”
What started as a joke she liked on his profile quickly turned into a serious romance. A relationship John described as “very thrilling” led to his proposing to Nicole in early May. Along the way, he met her parents, who likewise saw him as a good fit for their daughter.
“It was pretty clear, pretty quick that they just clicked, and they had these values that were so in sync,” said Nancy, 70. “I think that can be powerful for any couple. … And, I think John has just been a delight. We’ve just loved him. We’ve spent more time laughing and talking, because as value oriented as they are and serious, they’re also a whole bunch of fun. We have just laughed and laughed with them. And John, we just view him as a really wonderful addition to our family, and we’re looking forward to getting to know him better.”
Nancy wasn’t sure how well the regular 4:30 p.m. Saturday Mass-goers would respond to the invitation to donate money to the couple’s favorite charities — Second Harvest Heartland and Loaves and Fishes. But the results showed the idea was a crowd pleaser. The goal was to solicit donations equal to the budget figure Nicole and John had set for their wedding: $5,000. Anything short of that, the two would make up the difference.
To everyone’s delight, that amount was not only reached but exceeded, with much of it coming the day of the wedding. Though there was no need to make up for a shortfall, Nicole and John, whose last names are now Adams Giardino, chipped in “a little over $500 anyway,” Nicole wrote in an email to The Catholic Spirit 11 days after the wedding. “Additionally, some guests gave to their local food shelves (in multiple states).” She also noted that donations came from people beyond the parish, including other family members, neighbors and friends.
Father Joncas, who served as pastor of St. Cecilia from 1991 to 1993 and got to know the Blume family during that time, said the chance to celebrate Mass and witness the wedding vows of the couple “was a privilege.” Although it may have seemed unusual to some in attendance that day, “theologically, it makes all the sense in the world,” he said, noting that everything taking place at the Mass that day traces back to baptism.
“They, by making that matrimonial commitment, are really reaffirming their baptismal commitment,” said Father Joncas, 71. “And, their baptismal commitment leads them to service.”
Of added significance, he said, was the fact that they both served as extraordinary ministers of holy Communion during the Mass. “So, their very first act as a married couple is to be of service to the Eucharist.”
As noble as their approach to the sacrament of matrimony sounds, Nicole and John do not want to be placed on a pedestal.
“We are not celebrating our marriage this way because we are especially holy,” Nicole wrote. “We are doing it because we need holiness.”
They understand this as a life-long process, one which they now will work on together.
“John and I share a passion for justice and for sharing the fruits of our faith,” she wrote. “We know that there can be no peace until the hungry are fed (see the second chapter of the Epistle of James). We seek to act with integrity by beginning our marriage according to the Christian values that have formed us. We trust in God’s abundance for ourselves and for our loved ones. We know all of these things through faith.”
Could their blend of charity and liturgical nuptials start a trend? Nancy thinks so, based on the response by members of St. Cecilia since the day of the wedding.
“The community really seemed to love it,” she said. “So, we’re laughing and wondering how many more weddings are going to happen that way.”
