Beginnings and endings deserve our utmost attention. Whatever the endeavor, whether it is starting an academic program or graduating, beginning a new job or retiring, it is extremely important to begin well and end well. And if there is any circumstance where this applies, it is the sacrament of marriage.
In my ministry as a priest, I have presided over hundreds of weddings and funerals. One of the greatest joys of my priesthood has been to rejoice with a couple at the beginning; to witness their zeal, love, trust, and commitment to walking the journey of life together; and one of the most meaningful and gratifying aspects of my priesthood has been to preside over the funeral of a husband or wife who has walked the journey of life in a loving and faithful way with their spouse for many years. In a situation like this, I often tell the surviving spouse, “You have fulfilled one of the most important missions of your marriage. You got your spouse to heaven!” For the surviving spouse to know that this mission has been accomplished is a source of immeasurable consolation and peace.
Presiding over funerals has given me a better perspective on weddings. One day I celebrate the funeral of someone who was married for 60 years, and the next day I celebrate the wedding of a couple just beginning their journey. As the couple says, “All the days of my life,” and I reflect on the beauty of a life well lived from the previous day, I wonder, “How will these two be 60 years from now?” Reminded at the funeral about the end goal, I began to tell engaged couples during their marriage preparation and the bride and groom in the homily on their wedding day, “One of the most important spiritual goals of your marriage is to get your spouse to heaven.” Marriage is a spiritual partnership, and the end goal is heaven.
After the luster of the wedding day and the excitement of the honeymoon, days or months later, ask any wife or husband if their spouse has faults. Most can name a few. Others have a laundry list. No one is perfect.
This is where the journey of marriage begins in earnest, and it is one of the spiritual advantages of a common life over a solitary life. The wife and husband help each other improve. In spiritual terms, they help each other grow in virtue and holiness.
Everyone has rough edges. A loving spouse helps sand down their partner’s sharp and jagged edges and plane off the bumpy and uneven spots. Everyone is tarnished. A loving spouse polishes the blemishes away. Everyone has a layer of film over the mirror and does not reflect a clear distinct image. A loving spouse wipes the surface clean. Everyone is like a diamond that has dulled. A loving spouse restores its sparkle.
In a Christian marriage, the wife and husband love each other the way that they are, even in their imperfection. But they do not remain stuck there. They gently and tactfully help each other improve. On their 10th anniversary, they are in a better place spiritually than they were on their wedding day. And when the end approaches, the one spouse will have helped the dying spouse grow in goodness and love for Jesus. They will have done that so their companion is ready to make the journey from their marriage on earth to the eternal wedding feast in heaven, to be with Jesus for all eternity.
