One of my great recurring memories of growing up is the family meal. Especially when I was little, and didn’t have evening activities, I was always at the table, while at least some of my five older brothers and sisters were present as well. My mother was a great cook, so I enjoyed the food, but I also enjoyed the conversation that took place with the most important people in my life. Stories, jokes, and teasing were typically on the menu, and very consistently, towards the end of the dinner, mom would remind us that, right after the dishes, we were going to pray the rosary.
She would receive some groans, including from me. If it was summer, we would have wanted to go out and play. If it was winter, there was a TV show we had to see. Or perhaps we had critical homework from school. Occasionally, we could bargain mom into a later “start time” for the rosary, but she usually held fast to the “right after dinner” standard. Otherwise, if it was postponed into the evening, she knew she would lose some of us.
It was in this environment that I learned the rosary, learned the mysteries, and learned a good chunk of my faith. It also didn’t hurt that I would see my mom and dad praying their private prayers almost every day as well. My mom would often be sitting with her prayer book at the kitchen table or the dining room table. Dad would often grab one of the dining room chairs, but he would be in the living room (where the only TV was) leaning over the chair and saying his prayers. For whatever reason, my parents didn’t pay much attention to Jesus’ instruction that when you pray you should go to your room and close the door. I think mom and dad had an agreement with the Lord that their time with him would be both prayer and an opportunity to teach their children the value of prayer.
Whether I realized it at the time or not, their scheme worked. By the time I was in high school, my bedtime prayers included more than just the typical Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be. I started praying for people as well, and for my own intentions. The attraction to the rosary never completely left me, although I must admit, I probably did not pray it much while I was in college. But as a young adult I returned to it, realizing that truth that mom used to speak — if you want to stay close to Jesus, stay close to Mary.
This issue of The Catholic Spirit includes a centerpiece article by Maura Keller on Catholic family life and intentional living, pages 10-11, as well as an update on the success of small group formation as part of implementing Archbishop Hebda’s pastoral letter, “You Will Be My Witnesses: Gathered and Sent from the Upper Room.” The family is the original small group. Although my brothers and sisters and I were blessed to attend Catholic grade school, growing up we learned more about the faith from mom and dad than we did in school.
One reason Mom was able to gather us consistently for the rosary, is because we gathered consistently for the evening meal. For many families, the family meal seems to be a lost art. The Izen family gathered for their small group, which included a great meal with both fun and instructive conversation, and then we transitioned into prayer, by moving into the next room and praying the rosary.
As a priest, and now a bishop, I am often called on to lead the prayer at our extended family gatherings. Even that moment of just saying grace can be instructive for the family. When it comes to your meal prayer, don’t just ask the Lord to bless your food, but invite him into your conversation and your time together, and perhaps invite the family into some extended prayer, like praying a family rosary before the kids go outside to play.
