A month before his unexpected death in January 2024, Bennett Kotok, a former St. Thomas Academy in Mendota Heights student and athlete, comforted his mother, Susan, who’d lost her father in December 2023. Bennett told her, “Life is for the living.”
Amid her loss, Bennett encouraged her to lean into her faith. Not only did that bring her peace, she said, but daily Mass and praying the rosary also helped her faith to grow. She said her faith has strengthened her through “the greatest loss a person could endure, the loss of a beloved child.”
On Jan. 21, 2024, Bennett died in his sleep at Creighton University in Omaha, where he was a freshman, from a rare, undiagnosed heart condition. He was 19 years old. A year later, Bennett is survived by his parents, Larry and Susan, and his brothers, Jack, 24, and Simon, 22.
“I feel like this was how he was guiding me,” Susan said. “He didn’t know that he was going to be passing, obviously, but I do feel like there was something that influenced us, that has changed us, aside from the loss of our child. … We were almost being prepared for it, with the faith and the ‘life is for the living.’ All of these things where he was saying, ‘Mom, you will see me again one day, but you need to continue on, and you need to stick to your faith and use your faith to help others.’”
Bennett’s funeral was held at Our Lady of Grace in Edina, where he was a longtime parishioner and student at Our Lady of Grace Catholic School, on Jan. 26 last year. Susan said Our Lady of Grace was a great foundation for Bennett. Father Kevin Finnegan and the community has been good to the Kotok family, Susan said.
On the day of the funeral, the church was full, with a thousand people in attendance and hundreds watching the livestream. Father Mark Pavlak — the former chaplain at St. Thomas Academy, now the director of vocations for the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis — remembers Bennett’s funeral often during prayer. He remembers Bennett’s family in the front row, the packed church with overflow into the narthex and he remembers how present the Lord was in this moment, in which he described himself as being in both desolation and consolation.
“The night before, I was driving home from the (candlelight prayer vigil), which was at the school and I remember praying out loud in my car, ‘Lord, please do not let these people lose their faith.’ My prayer was for the people not to lose their faith because that is understandably what would happen to a lot of people when someone like (Bennett) dies. … That was my one prayer. And the Lord answered that prayer in spades.”
Susan said she is frequently asked by others why she isn’t angry at God after the death of her son, who had “so much to give to the world.” She often replies that she has chosen to trust God and the plan for her life.
“It’s hard not to question when such a good person passes at a young age,” Susan said. “It’s especially hard for a parent to not think about the what-might-have-beens, meaning thinking about what he could have done with his life.”
The day after Bennett’s funeral, Susan said her daily devotional read, “God’s timing is not your timing.” She said she believes that message is meant for everyone to lean in and trust God even on the darkest day of their lives. She said she believes God has sent many signs guiding her toward him.
Susan said that her faith has strengthened since her son’s death last year, having heard moving testimonies from Bennett’s friends, peers and even strangers who have been inspired by him to pursue a life with God. Father Pavlak said that Bennett’s girlfriend of several years is currently in OCIA and plans to be baptized this Easter.
In the four months before his death, Susan and Father Pavlak saw Bennett’s faith life transform. Bennett encouraged his family to pursue their faith in deeper ways. He and Father Pavlak talked about faith for hours over lunch. Bennett challenged those around him to be the best versions of themselves, including his parents, two brothers and his friends. He was described by friends and family as a confident leader, not afraid to go against societal norms.
“He was someone who was part of countless friend groups and would often seek people who were considered outliers to join whatever he was involved in,” Susan said. “He saw things in people that others overlooked and was often told he had wisdom beyond his years as a young person.”
“It seemed to me like he was really coming alive and earnestly seeking the truth, seeking out what the Church taught on so many different things,” Father Pavlak said. “I think something definitely was coming alive during those last few months before he died.”
After her son’s death, Susan said she received countless testimonies from Bennett’s friends, people within the community and even strangers.
“He was reaching up and really pulling people up out of what they were involved in to help guide them toward God, toward a better life,” Susan said. “The stories are too many to count. … They feel Bennett’s presence through God in their lives. They feel a calling to deepen their faith, which is something you would think would be the opposite when a tragic situation like this happens.”
Bennett was the class president of St. Thomas Academy’s Class of 2023 and student council president. At the class of 2023 graduation ceremony on June 1, 2023, at the Cathedral of St. Paul in St. Paul, Bennett gave a speech in which he told his fellow Cadets, “We are the people to shine brightly in the dark world around us. We will inspire people to be great. We will do and be anything we desire because we are and will always be St. Thomas Academy cadets.”
Bennett’s education greatly affected him — he sent a video to his parents thanking them for sending him to St. Thomas Academy, saying it changed his life, Susan said. He also played football and baseball at the school.
Brian Ragatz, the president of St. Thomas Academy, said of Bennett, “This was the guy that everybody wanted to be, and everybody wanted to be around.”
While Ragatz never met Bennett in person, he shared that his wife and son met Susan the night Ragatz was announced as the school’s president. Susan was attending an event during which Bennett was leading the prayer. It was a fateful meeting since Bennett wasn’t supposed to be leading the school prayer that day but was asked to do it at the last minute. He was impressed by President Ragatz and commented that his beloved school would be in “good hands” under his new leadership.
“You didn’t need to know Bennett to know how special he was,” Ragatz said. “The organic aspect of everything that has happened at St. Thomas, through St. Thomas, to support Bennett … in my 20 years of Catholic education, I’ve never seen anything come close to. … There are many people in history that left a legacy who we’ll never meet. Bennett, I believe, is one of those young men that his legacy will, unfortunately, very much outlive his young life. People will be talking about who Bennett was for a very long time.”
One sign of that legacy: Ragatz said he has noticed freshmen, who never had a chance to meet Bennett, now wearing “BK” bracelets that were fashioned by a group of students after his death.
“The fact that they never met him but feel like they know him to the point that they want to emulate him is a true sign of character, and that he did what he said he would do,” Ragatz said. “That’s our mission of developing boys into men of character. Being a man of character is not only being a man that’s close to God, and a man of faith and a man of virtue, it’s also a man of integrity. When no one’s watching, doing what’s right. … Bennett was a man of integrity, to the point that he was a man of character. … Now the boys want to emulate that, whether they had firsthand experiences with him or experiences with him through prayer, through memories.”
Ragatz continued, saying, “That’s how legacies continue to go on and shine positive light upon those that he touched and those that he can touch with the hope he brings others.”
St. Thomas Academy has dedicated batting cages currently under construction to Bennett’s name. The Bennett Kotok Cages are expected to be finished sometime in the early spring in time for baseball season. In the cement foundation are a rosary, a Bible and a cross with Bennett’s initials.
The project is intended to honor Bennett through his passion for baseball and faith.
“People are good,” Susan said. “Look at the large number of companies and craftsmen donating time and materials in addition to countless financial donations. A lot of what you saw in that project were donated in Bennett’s name to help future Cadets. … The goodness of the community is the light and there’s so many things that have happened, so many people continue to come forward to help us and help others inspired by Bennett. It would be hard to say the many things that have happened have been coincidences. Something good is happening and we believe even in our deepest grief, God is with us and people are truly good.”
Ragatz said of the batting cages, “St. Thomas Academy’s job and responsibility is to make sure that he (Bennett) is not forgotten and the goodness of his heart and the goodness of his actions are seen through the actions of others in the hallways of St. Thomas Academy.”
A year after her son’s death, Susan said, life for her is choosing light over darkness, and choosing death is not choosing a literal, physical death, but choosing anger and living away from God. On a website dedicated to Bennett, tinyurl.com/3yzj84j7, people can share stories about Bennett and learn more about his life. On the website is a verse from the Gospel of John, 1:5: “The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.”
Susan said she often wonders if Bennett’s life ended when it did so the greatest good and the most impact might ripple from it.
“For anyone facing what we face, in terms of challenges in life, making a decision to trust God brings more peace than anything,” Susan said. “From ashes, beauty can rise. That’s, to me, a statement I think about every day. From the darkest beginning, tragedy, good can come. I am dedicating the rest of my life to make sure good can come from this.”
During a Mass of gratitude in December 2024, Susan said the chapel was overflowing. It was invite-only, but many more people came to continue to show support. The intention was to gather the St. Thomas Academy class of 2023 together because, as Susan said, Bennett would want them to have a place to continue to grow in faith. The class of 2023 has stayed close to the Kotok family, Susan said, and the family feels as though the class is extended family, sharing texts, pictures and stories throughout the past year to lift the family up.
Susan said, “The number of kids that came up to my husband and (me) and just said, ‘Bennett’s life changed me in ways I can’t even describe. I think about your son every single day.’ You just kind of wonder: Is this the plan? And that’s where the trust comes in. … We will see our son again one day, and knowing his high standards, we want to make sure we do good in his name each and every day.”
BENNETT KOTOK SCHOLARSHIP
In Bennett’s name, the Kotok family helped create the Bennett Kotok ‘Do Good’ Fund, which helps young men achieve their full academic, athletic and faith potential in partnership with Saint Thomas Academy.
“Good can come from scholarships to help kids attend Catholic schools,” Susan said. “We want to build our fund to help kids that can’t afford Catholic education to make it affordable especially for young men that may not be successful in traditional educational settings. St. Thomas Academy can provide structure and stability in a supportive environment and that’s who we want to help. This changes lives and is exactly what Bennett would want us to do.”
The Bennett Kotok “Do Good” Fund can be found at BennettKotok.com through the donation link. More scholarships and awards in Bennett’s name can be found at this website too.
