This article has been on my heart to write for months, but I have been reluctant write it, due to the topic’s sensitive nature. I would like to address fidelity in Catholic marriages.
Fidelity is the faithfulness, dependability, and trustworthiness we extend to our spouse — and to our spouse alone. For Catholics, matrimony is a sacrament and the Catechism of the Catholic Church states “the wellbeing of the individual person and of both human and Christian society is closely bound up with the healthy state of conjugal and family life” (1603). And yet, Catholics also live in modern society and are exposed to the same trials everyone else faces.
According to PsychCentral of Healthline Media, approximately 50% of people in monogamous relationships become involved in affairs at some point in their relationship; the most likely time for an extramarital affair to happen is in the first few years of marriage. This research suggests that more men than women engage in relationships outside the marriage. It is not uncommon for affairs to begin online or in the workplace, often as an emotional affair, which often leads to infidelity.
According to the American Psychological Association, 20-40% of marriages in which infidelity has occurred end in divorce. While we read about resilience in young people, most children and adolescents would prefer to grow up in an intact home, in which their parents remain faithful and loving toward each other for the duration of the marriage.
And according to the National Institutes of Health, effects of divorce on young people can include emotional instability, anxiety and depressive symptoms that persist into adulthood. Clearly, there is a significantly negative impact on young people that has a lifelong impact.
What can couples do to prevent affairs from happening in their marriages? According to Catholic apologist Trent Horn in his podcast “The Counsel of Trent,” remaining faithful to your spouse begins by cutting off the demand and the supply that would create the circumstances for an affair. If the marriage is loving and supportive, the demand for another partner will be considerably reduced; if couples are careful about their associations at work, in groups of neighbors or friends, and other venues where they meet people, the supply will be cut off.
ACTION STRATEGIES
- Purchase a copy of Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages” and put your focus on building a beautiful marriage with your spouse.
Horn also advises that couples not allow their self-care to become unbalanced so that they look for someone else to meet their needs. He says sin is a shortcut to happiness that does not satisfy. When we lose our connection to God and our self-care suffers, we are more susceptible to sin. Therefore, we must nurture our prayer life and our spirituality every day and attend to self-care.
Horn also challenges his listeners by asking, “If your spouse was standing right next to you, would you say something flirtatious to that person? If your spouse knew you were about to do something that would compromise your commitment to the marriage, how would he or she feel about that?”
Perhaps the most important comment Horn made was that affairs are a threat to all marriages because Satan does not want marriages to be successful. If he can instigate infidelity, he can significantly affect the stability of the family. We must all be alert to this danger and strengthen the marital relationship with our spouse. When we do, we not only practice the steps to affair-proof our marriage, we also provide an example of a loving, faithful, lasting marital union for our children and grandchildren, providing a legacy of commitment for generations to come.
Soucheray is a licensed marriage and family therapist emeritus and a member of St. Ambrose in Woodbury.
