The number one issue facing individuals, married couples and families today is “we are simply too busy,” said Kate Soucheray, licensed marriage and family therapist emeritus, and a columnist for The Catholic Spirit.
“We have so occupied our lives with busyness, and we’re not even questioning that we’re so busy,” Soucheray said. “We just get on that treadmill and run, and then somebody else turns up the speed and we just keep running.”
Instead of getting on the treadmill without questioning it, Soucheray advised stepping back and saying no to something, to say yes to spending time together. “Turn off the music, turn off the loud stuff and just say yes to relationships and sit together,” she said. Soucheray — also a wife, mother, grandmother, Catholic author and speaker — recently shared tips with “Practicing Catholic” radio show host Patrick Conley for building a stronger marriage and a more virtuous relationship.
In the book “First Things First,” Stephen Covey writes that people need to evaluate their lives, decide what is the best thing to do at any given moment and go with that, with no need to do everything, Soucheray said.
Habits can start to form people, she said, requiring time to step back and evaluate. Covey advises that “everything is not urgent,” Soucheray said, “and yet we live like it.”
In marriage, spouses need to notice what’s happening in their relationship, and be aware of little snipes made to a spouse, “sneaky, insidious little experiences that happen,” Soucheray said. Over time, a couple can end up with “a garden of weeds” that takes over “and we can’t even see the beauty,” she said.
Soucheray said helping one’s spouse live a virtuous life starts with knowledge of the cardinal virtues: prudence (“thinking practically wise thoughts”), temperance (“self-control”), fortitude or courage (“do I have the courage to say the hard thing today?”) and justice (“doing the right and good thing”); and the three theological virtues: faith, hope and love. Soucheray suggested living those virtues in simple, practical ways, perhaps focusing “on one today.”
Soucheray said she once sat with a group at a picnic when one woman she did not know started to gossip. Soucheray said “I have to stop you right there,” promising the woman she would not gossip with her, “and I’ll never gossip about you.” Soucheray said if she hadn’t said that, she would not have been courageous. “By not doing something, I was participating.”
The basis of virtue is “knowing who we are,” Soucheray said. Alexandre Havard, author of books on virtuous leadership, writes that one’s temperament is formed at conception, she said. “Our character helps us to temper our temperament,” Soucheray said. “We work on character, and character is virtue forming.”
During the interview, Soucheray recommended two books by Havard: “From Temperament to Character: On Becoming a Virtuous Leader” and “Created for Greatness: The Power of Magnanimity.” She said the latter teaches about “being a virtuous person.”
“He’s very deep, but he makes it so readable and wonderful,” she said.
To learn more, listen to this episode of “Practicing Catholic,” which debuts at 9 p.m. July 28 on Relevant Radio 1330 AM and repeats at 1 p.m. July 29 and 2 p.m. July 30. To learn more about Soucheray’s work, including her Institute for Family and Health and Well-Being, visit ifhwb.com.
Produced by Relevant Radio and the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis, the latest show also includes an interview with Archbishop Bernard Hebda of St. Paul and Minneapolis, who describes discernment processes; and Alice Schwantes, a fertility care practitioner at Twin Cities Fertility Care Center, who discusses natural family planning.
Listen to interviews after they have aired at PracticingCatholicShow.com or choose a streaming platform at https://anchor.fm/practicing-catholic-show.
